I was just starting to get comfortable at Beth's place too. I was ready to live there, save up money, move into a house with James........but I lost him. It was too late before I really realized that I had truly lost him. I never meant to hurt him though. I never meant to be so cruel. If I would have known the way I was treating him meant LOSING him I would have seriously just flipped my life around.
I will be honest and say that I BEGGED James for another chance. I pleaded like a child begging for candy in a grocery store. But each time he said no, he meant it even more. His friend had told him that once he makes his desicion he needed to stick to it and not let it go.
He said he still wants to be friends. I certainly NEVER wanted him outta my life. At this point I think its gonna be really hard to even look at him with out going into a fit of tears. I mean maybe if I miraculously rebounded tomorrow and was happy again I could face James....
Right now I am shaking again. I am really glad I brought the powercord out to the shed with me. Changing everything on Myspace that had James in it took longer then I thought. And my laptop only has about an hour and a half battery life. Tony was talking to me but he logged off all of a sudden so now I am talking to myself....in a blog.....that no one will probably read except an aunt or two and maybe a couple friends.
I am so broken right now. I have NEVER felt pain like this. Not only is it in my heart, its in my whole body. My back is in knots.
REALLY. IF THERE IS A GOD WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?
Sorry. Don't get all Christian on me okay? I just wanna know, if there is a guy up there controlling my life, WHEN DOES THE GOOD COME?? PLEASE I AM BEGGING WHOEVER. I just want SOMETHING GOOD to happen. I am tired of the hurt and pain and failure.....
I JUST WANTED MY LIFE BACK.
Someone help me.........











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Greetings and Salutations!
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Art is never finished, only abandoned. ~ Leonardo da Vinci
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~~Take me back to the stars ~~
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Clubs im in:
=SM-club
*takeuchi-senshi
~Cain-GodChild-Club
Clubs im wanting in:
~kaori-yuki-club
I need a Caf-Pow!
ಥ_ಥ
-Wanders off-
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"A rock isn't diminished when worn by wind and rain. Instead, it becomes a boulder." - Anonymous
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Whenever you look at the moon,
Remember that I'm looking at it too.
Whenever you look at the moon,
Remember that I'm looking back at you.
poem by the-kuu.
Silver Rain Storm's Hidden Cavern
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